Buxton woman free from controlling relationship shares her story to inspire others

The woman, who we have chosen not to name for legal reasons, said she has been to hell and back when she was with her ex-husband who controlled all aspects of her life.

She wrote what she called her ‘freedom letters’ and posted them while she was out one day and managed to get help.

Now she wants to speak out to share her story with so other people in the same situation may find the courage to leave.

The 50-year-old met her now ex partner back in 2013 when she was struggling with alcohol.

She said: “I was vulnerable and looking back I see I was taken advantage of.”

After the first meeting the pair became close and started dating and during their five year relationship had two daughters together.

She said: “For an outsider looking in, the question is why did I stay so long with a man I didn’t like?

“He got inside my head, made me feel like I was in the wrong and he was saving me and no one else would want me so he was doing me a favour by staying.

“He was completely controlling me, I just couldn’t see it.”

Not only were her wardrobe choices controlled but also other aspects of her life too.

She claims: "I was only allowed toast for my breakfast, I was told when I could shower and I wasn’t allowed to sit on the sofa, I had to sit on the floor.”

The woman says her ex-husband would not let her feed her baby daughter as she was a bad mum and should not be near her.

She was also not allowed to drive, visit her family or have access to a mobile phone.

"He cut me off from the world I had so I had nothing and no one except him. I was being held hostage in my own life.”

With no contact with the outside world no one knew of her struggles and she did not know how to get help.

One day when she was cleaning out the kitchen she came across some envelopes and stamps and decided this was her only way out.

The mum claims she wrote everything down and managed to leave one in a box of washing powder and the others she posted in while making a trip to the chemist.

She said: “I was so scared in case he found the letters before I could post them but I got a message to my parents and from then on things became easier and with their help I found the courage to leave.”Since then she has been supported by Crossroads Derbyshire and wants to share her story to help others find the courage to get help.

She added: “In that moment there seems no way out, but to anyone who is reading this in a similar situation you are not alone.”Help is available with Crossroads on 01457 856675.

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