Opinion: Self-styled Grinch warns that bickering will bubble up in Christmas reunions
The news that pandemic restrictions will be eased for Christmas has been met with joy by many. We will be able to form bubbles that last for five days, which is impressive for a bubble. We will be free to see members of our extended families.
Sadly there are experts saying these freedoms will come at a price with some estimating each day with our families could mean five more days of lockdown after. Other experts have spoken more bluntly saying that spending time together over the festive period will cause more deaths.
This made me realise what we need. We could do with some miserable Grinch who can put us off Christmas. Someone who can complain about the small stuff and get more people to spend less time with their loved ones this year. It would reduce the risks.
This could be what I have been training for all these years. I thought I was becoming a grumpy old man before my time, but I was honing my misanthropic skills for when I was called upon. So here goes.
Great, they are letting us have extended support bubbles for Christmas. I cannot believe they didn’t call them “Support baubles.” Sometimes I despair at our leadership.
It doesn’t matter how big a bubble we’re allowed there will be some family members who don’t get invited. What an efficient way to cause family tensions.
You can’t meet up with family without taking a gift. The queues in the shops at Christmas can be a nightmare and normal shopping has been heavily queue-based in 2020. Those effects will multiply, therefore if you want to get a gift you’d better join a queue now. You’ll be camping outside shops like a Harry Potter fan just to get an in-law some socks.
If you sit out this Christmas, you’ll meet up with your various uncles and cousins after Brexit has been sorted and Trump has left the White House. There will still be some alcohol-fuelled gammon versus snowflake style stand-offs at the end of 2021 but at least it won’t be the same old topics you’ve been rowing about for the last four Christmases.
Maybe my attempts to be a Scrooge might not make you cancel plans but if you were feeling pressure to meet up, send your family this column and they might give you an easier time.