Column: Try the three-minute method to rebuild social confidence

If you find socialising in widowhood difficult, our friendship group, Derbyshire Peak Oddfellows, would like to invite you along to one of our events, for just three minutes, writes guest columnist Trudy Ford.

By Trudy Ford
Wednesday, 13th July 2022, 5:00 pm

Our group runs regular social events in the Chesterfield area and across Derbyshire, such as coffee mornings, lunches, walks and day trips.

We’re making this unusual offer as we appreciate the courage needed to try something new, or to socialise again, especially if you were used to having someone by your side.

It’s all based on the ‘Three Minute Carrot Method’, which gives you permission to leave something after three minutes instead of feeling daunted by staying for an hour.

Trudy Ford, social organiser, Derbyshire Peak Oddfellows.

It was a technique suggested to us by clinical psychologist and author, Dr Jennifer Wild, who was asked for her advice on ways in which people can rebuild social confidence after losing a partner. Dr Wild, who has written a series of blogs for the Oddfellows’ website, told us: “The Three Minute Carrot Method gives you permission to stop or leave something early.

“You’ll find, more often than not, that you will carry on, but giving yourself permission to leave relieves the pressure.”

When Dr Wild explained this technique to us, we wanted to share her advice as it could be the thing that encourages you, or someone you know, to take that one small positive step forwards.

We’d obviously love people to stay for the entirety of our events, but we recognise that people need to move at their own pace.

Why not get out and about and try a walking event with our members, says columnist Trudy Ford.

So, if three minutes is enough for you that day, that’s totally fine.

We’ve a list of upcoming events that we can send to you by post or email. Newcomers are always welcome to try an event without committing to join.

Just let us know if you’d like to come along, so we can expect and welcome you.

A couple of events coming up that are perfect for a first try are our coffee morning at H&D Bistro in Tideswell on Wednesday, July 20, at 11am, and our walking group on Friday, August 5, at 10.30am in Ashover.

Clinical psychologist and author, Dr Jennifer Wild.

Call me on 01246 273076 or alternatively email [email protected] for further details, or visit our website at

We look forward to hearing from you.

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